27 January 2021
Being spiritual is not about how much you meditate, the amount of knowledge you have about everything esoteric or even how you come across and dress or the work that you do. 
We are all spiritual as you can’t have a life without being a spirit. 
First, you build up your understanding of “spiritual” which is the start and development of your journey to attain what they call enlightened, or evolved or what I want to call here, a spiritual master.
That is all good and necessary, however many people on the so-called spiritual journey, which I can attest to, get lost within the realm of all the spiritual “stuff” you get bombarded by once you enter the spiritual community.
Very soon you might find yourself perhaps even more confused and go off track for a while, meaning you lose interest in everything 3D. There is even a phrase for that, “spiritual bypassing” and many get stuck there, still looking for the answers and way out, but unfortunately, this is not always a rabbit hole that brings the AHA moment you’re chasing. 
Then you join some groups on social media intending to expand, connect, find your tribe, just to witness how people attack each other trying to convince whomever that their way or opinion is the right way, all done in “love and light” or “blessings”. This is frankly ludicrous and often the “ego” gets blown up more when people think they are now walking the “spiritual” path, as what also happens in other religions. 
Being spiritual for us, you and me, here and now, in this life, we have chosen on earth, means to firstly fully embrace the physical and then to become a master of it. What other reason would there be to be in this 3D reality and your body? You don’t need to learn to be spiritual, as that is where you came from before you were human. You need to learn to be human. That entails being the best version of human you can be and the challenges we face daily throughout our lives are the exact tests and lessons to conquer and learn from to evolve. 
Spiritual practices are of utmost importance, by all means, you need the meditations, you need nature, you need to find the stillness amid chaos within yourself, so keep on doing that, but we need to be able to navigate through the matter that earth presents to us. That includes money, your health, what we do with our bodies, what we eat, our relationships with every person we come across with, not only our personal relationships. If that means you have to get help at times from people who chose to be the healers, that is perfect. However, there comes a point of saturation when you literally have to return to this reality and realize that this is what it’s all about - this is what needs to be mastered and yes, it might take you a lifetime (actually more than one), but that is the point - instead of thinking we need to transcend into some other dimension (albeit it is fun to go there when you choose to), your life in a physical form is the reason you are here in the way that your soul chose to grow. 
That means to accept this life (instead of fantasizing about living in a “new earth” - that will only come once we’ve mastered life on earth), it means to break through the old paradigms to shift consciousness to higher levels but the only way to do that is through the pain, through the shadows, looking at instead of away all the atrocities happening in the world. Not focussing on it, neither ignoring it, but finding a way to bring some form of healing. That is why being spiritual means how you treat every single thing, person and occurrence in your life is important, as it leaves your energy imprint and all energy creates ripple effects. 
The state of your energy affects everything around you, besides that you are part of the whole (so part of the problem or solution), your outside (all matter) directly reflects or manifests your inner (energy). To keep your vibration high, on a love or above level which emotes the feelings of joy, love, peace takes practice in the world that we are in. High vibrational energy will have a positive effect indefinitely and help you to deal with the challenges we face. If we can come to a place where we can enjoy what we have in this life overall, deal with and grow from the pain, be able to see the bigger picture in everything, find peace within yourself, be authentic, keep to high values in how we treat others and every living being on earth and thus make a positive impact - that to me is spiritual mastery. 
It is diving deep into, not escaping this reality. 

8 July 2020
(Originally written in April 2015, this is an edited version)

Five years ago, situations in my life accumulated to the point where it felt as if I was being left completely ungrounded, floating between the pain and disillusionment of not only what I had lost then, but everything in my past as well. 
My emotions showed me what I have been ignoring for too long, as I have become accustomed to it in such a way that I didn’t even realize it. That I was covering it up, thinking I am strong enough to handle it. It forced me to look it straight in the eye when it reared its head yet again. GRIEF.
We might technically (definitely) be strong, yes, but grief doesn't care about strength. Grief cannot be dismissed. It cannot be put aside, ignored and covered up with other emotions. Grief needs to be respected for what it is. It is Grief with a capital. You experienced a loss of such an extreme that caused for your life never to be the same again. It is relentless, it is cruel. It can be the cause of a pain so deep that develops into depression or suicide. It can be blamed for escaping into substance abuse. Grief sounds empathic, it is not. Not to be ignored. Because if you ignore your grief, it starts to devour you in other forms - cancers seem to be prevalent. Yes, grief asks for respect in its sick way. 
Mr Grief. What an asshole. Where the hell does “good grief” come from? There is nothing good about this mister. He brings sorrow deeper than the oceans. Our psyche is like the ocean - from our normal view at the surface level, we cannot see the unexplored depths that lie beneath. These unrevealed areas contain innumerable amounts of information. 
Perhaps in the darkness, one shall see. To be able to go down into the abyss…once you come up into the light again, things might look different. Being exposed to the light after being in the darkroom. Manipulating the images of your life in your own darkroom, all those moments that added to your Grief folder. To take them one by one and develop them into a collage that forms the bigger picture of your life. Creating a perspective and understanding of when the memory of the pain plays through your mind, you can look at it with some form of acceptance and healing.  
Dealing with Mr Grief requires holding your breath and going beyond first. There is no easy way. 
Mr Grief’s trademark is like a physical scar. It gets better but never goes away. What matters is that we can look upon those scars and as we are reminded of what caused them, we see the light piercing through the peripheral of the water and not the darkness anymore. 
And that takes immense courage. 

Afternote: At the time of writing this originally in 2015, I changed my life drastically. Those and previous incidents that occurred in my life, prepared me for the true path I was supposed to take. The experiences equipped me to help others who go through similar pain and loss. Grief can be the loss of a person, pet, marriage, relationship, income, health, childhood (due to some form of abuse). Be sure not to ignore your pain by trying to escape from it through various ways, as that pain physically stays in every cell of your body and emotionally it can make you numb, but it will catch up with you sometime if not properly dealt with. For transformational healing sessions, contact me: carmentosca@me.com 
24 June 2020

Forever we’ve been hearing, taught and indoctrinated to forgive. Then, of course, it comes with the caveats of “I forgive, but I never forget” and “forgiveness doesn’t mean I condone it”, “by forgiving you are setting yourself free”.
The idea seems sweet, the “right thing to do”, proclaimed in the Christian bible and other teachings, but does it really “work” like that in reality?
If you want to forgive, by all means, do so. And good for you. But then don’t tell your story with an ending of “I forgave but I won’t forget”. In my opinion that is not possible, the “forgiveness” is futile then. Forgiveness is defined as releasing feelings of resentments or vengeance towards someone who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness, nor excusing the offences.
Forgiveness is not as simple. By implication, if you say that you forgive someone, you are again accusing that person. When I say I forgive you, I am implying that you have wronged me. That in itself is a complicated issue. Some people feel you have wronged them in a certain way whilst from your point of view you were giving advice. When it comes to the more serious situations of abuse and actual damage being done – again – the answer for healing is not in forgiving the abuser. Think about it literally – how could that “help” you at all? What difference could it possibly make to “forgive” a perpetrator for you to lead a better and healthy life if it only means releasing feelings? I am tired of all the old paradigms and worn-out beliefs. 
Yes, I believe in LETTING GO. I believe in RELEASING. But not only the feelings of it. By TRANSCENDING it. By TRANSFORMING it. 
In saying “I forgive you” is like me acknowledging you are an asshole and I am a victim. It is in another sense, giving your power away, AGAIN. I don’t feel it empowering to verbalize “I forgive you” to someone who did irrevocable damage to me it feels as if I AM condoning it because I am admitting it. It comes back to the precept that we are guilty (sinners) in “God’s” eyes and if we don’t beg for forgiveness we are doomed, also if we then don’t forgive others. In this discussion, I am not referring to if you had an argument with someone and apologize or say you’re sorry and that all is fine…of course, that is the right thing to do. 
Let’s be honest – when you do the whole meditation / affirmation / prayers of forgiveness – do you feel it 100% in your heart? Believe me, I have done it hundreds of times and yes, I have felt peace, I have felt forgiveness, I felt sincere and add whatever one should feel to this list… But does it last? Does it really last regarding your healing? Or when you are confronted with this person with the same issue again? Did it work for you when after you ”forgave” your perpetrator, you never once felt the repercussions again of what you were wronged at? 
And then it’s added to this “you have to forgive yourself”. Oh, good grief…! That is only making it worse! So now you have to “forgive” yourself for the fact that you were a victim of a situation from which you have carried the scars of shame and guilt and yet, you still have to forgive yourself!? Again, that is like admitting that you were in the wrong. Please note that I am referring to circumstances of where one needs emotional healing and not if you place yourself in the perpetrator role.
Freedom and empowerment are attained through deep transformation and you will know the difference between if you merely “forgave” and if you have let go by how you feel when you tell someone else the story. It will also be evident in the vocabulary you use. 
If you need guidance in how to set yourself free from the scars of the past or to resolve challenging issues in your relationships, whether that be in a marriage, family or friendships, I can help you get to the core of it to gain clarity, a different perspective and ultimately, healing.
With Transformational Healing we go full circle to shift the pain for permanent results, one can’t go back to how it was again afterwards. It is not a matter of forgiving but transforming powerfully and the effect of that changes everything from the inside out.
Contact me: carmentosca@me.com

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